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They live for the moment. They distrust everyone. They have no hope. They are entertainment junkies yet they don’t want to be entertained. They keep you at a distance yet they crave intimate relationships. They live and die for their core peer group - no-one else understands.

This is the generation of young people that are increasingly turning to sex, drugs and alcohol regularly at 13, 14 years of age. Consequences of choices are forgotten. If you want it then you have it. The world is a very small place and it is getting even smaller. The Net, mobile phones, instant satellite transmissions - everything is accessible. There are no boundaries. There are no set values. If it’s good for you, then “Just do it”. Just don’t tell me what to do.

These are the “millennials”.

In a world with no boundaries, no values, young people are crying out for boundaries and values. They want someone to tell them ‘this is the way, walk in it ‘.

So why are we not reaching them? Why are they looking instead to the world for answers, or to anything spiritual - except Christianity? Because Christianity requires commitment and commitment requires trust. They won’t listen and commit to what you have to say until they can trust you. Trust is built through genuine loving relationship.

The power of the message is no longer enough to take this generation past the point of decision onto maturity in Christ because they need to first trust in the “message-bearers” (ie. the community of believers they are to commit to). A message heard and responded to is often lost because trust has not paved the way for commitment.

During a workshop my husband and I ran on the topic of ‘relational evangelism’, one young participant shared how at a recent regional youth outreach he attended his attention was caught by a couple of girls that had responded on the altar call and who were obviously very emotionally touched. They were counselled and received a small Bible to take home. He later noticed them however come outside after the meeting and was amazed to see them throw the Bibles on the ground in distain - one even venturing to bury it in the mud!

Were they ‘faking’ it all along, or did they genuinely receive the “seed” but unfortunaltely because there was no “good soil” prepared in their heart was it quickly snatched away by doubt and distrust? Our experience suggests the latter is too often true.

Our youth ministry is now built on friendship/relational evangelism. While 50% of our young people come from completely unchurched backgrounds none have come in unconnected through large outreaches (ie. No existing friends in our youth group). This is not because we haven’t put on such large events, taking the traditional approach of promotion with advertising and leaflets, but because none of the unconnected young people who came because of the promotion have stayed (ie. longer than 1 or 2 weeks) - despite our best follow-up efforts.

All of the converts that remained to become a part of the youth community came through relationship with an existing youth member, and about 90% of these came on ‘nothing spectacular’ nights.

In fact we have even stopped asking for decisions through altar calls because the short-term and long-term fruit was often so bad. If their own doubt and mistrust didn’t quickly rob the new converts of their “seed”, the alarmed reaction of a cynical parent (with ‘cult’ images quickly flooding their mind) usually did the trick.

The most natural and fruitful setting for decisions to be made became the outreach/relational cells we run directly after the main meeting. It is here that relationship and trust is built (usually over a period of weeks or even months) and it is here that questions can be asked and answered. It is here that our cell leaders find themselves leading their peers to the Lord.

A flow-on effect usually occurs with the parents as well during this time of inquiry - trust is built as they come to know you, your message, and your heart of love for their teenager.

These converts have stayed to grow into disciples because the “seed” fell on the “good soil” of understanding and trust - which came through relationship, and relationship held them in community as they grew into maturity.

It was Jesus himself of course who explained that “When anyone hears the word of the kingdom, and does not understand it, then the wicked one comes and snatches away what was sown in his heart…But he who received seed on the good ground is he who hears the word and understands it, who indeed bears fruit and produces…” (Matt 13:19&23).

Good soil converts “understand” the message. What does this mean? Do we have to take every ‘seeker’ through ‘Christianity Explained’ or Youth Alpha before they receive salvation? No. Although, for many, this is the necessary pathway.

Laurence Singlehurst (Director of YWAM England) suggests in his book “Sowing, Reaping & Keeping” that to “understand” simply means to “understand both the benefits and the Christ-centring implications” of the Gospel as well.*

Conviction of heart is not enough. It sells short the life-changing impact of the Gospel. We need to move on from Jesus as Saviour to Jesus as Lord - if the two don’t go together, you have very shallow soil. Only convicted and surrendered hearts will “bear fruit and produce”.

How then do you communicate this “understanding” to today's cynical millennial generation who will not even bother to listen to your message until they first come to trust you - and see you live it out? Relationship. Genuine, loving, Christ-reflecting relationship. We simply have to slow down, build relationship and allow our love, acceptance and example to ‘till the soil’.

Big programs might get them there, but it won’t change their hearts in the long-term. Big outreaches might see lots come to the Lord but it won’t see lots added to the Kingdom and discipled - unless they come through relationship.

It’s time to change our focus. The process of creating the “good soil” needs to become our priority, and the seeds will sow themselves.